So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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