My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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