It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to make out with him forever
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
