If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
