ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
