I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
