so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
