hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
