I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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