Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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