I cockslap morals
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
