It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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