i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
