I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
why is half of my head shaved?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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