Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
