i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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