Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
