I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
