why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
