He had one of those small greek statue penises
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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