Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
