i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize