Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
