I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
