so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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