Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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