Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
