Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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