I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
