It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
