I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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