Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize