Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
