just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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