Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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