The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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