he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
