she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
