i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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