When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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