theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm always down for nudity.
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