Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
