I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
