They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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