I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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