The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
