i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
