Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
