the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
