OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
