WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
