I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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