I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
