i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
