I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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