wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
