She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
