you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
