I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
