If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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