this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
