I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this boner is exhausting
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
