Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
