And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
