So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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